Dear Goodjoan.
My mother-in-law's house is not baby proofed at all. My 1 year old son is her
fourth grandchild and she has never bothered. I keep a close eye on him
when we are there to make sure he doesn't hurt himself or wreck anything
but she leaves things on the coffee table and end tables, like candles,
vases of flowers and knickknacks, etc. Is it my responsibility to clean
up after messes he makes, or if he breaks something? Should I run
around and put stuff up out of his reach as soon as we get there, or is
that her responsibility?
I know this is a difficult position because you don't want your son to
get hurt, nor do you want any of the bric-a-brac getting broken but
you'd also like to sit down for a moment during your visit! My advice
here is different than if you were just popping over to a childless
friends house because I am assuming your MIL's house is someplace you go
often and someplace your son's needs should be met to some degree. If
your MIL hasn't changed anything yet, she probably feels like it's your
responsibility to teach your son to not touch things, rather than her
job to protect him from things that are dangerous or fragile.
Unfortunately, kids don't start developing what we'd call self-control
until they are 2.5 or older! He is incapable right now of NOT touching
those things!
First, start with a phone call before you visit. "Mom,
we are coming over tomorrow and I wanted to ask you ahead of time to
maybe pickup or put away any fragile things from where Baby can reach
them. We are trying to teach him to be respectful and gentle with
things but he's still so little that he doesn't really understand that
not everything is a baby toy. You have such beautiful things in your
home that I would be heartbroken if he accidentally broke something.
He's also gotten very curious since he started walking and I know you
wouldn't want him to pull a flower vase onto his head or anything like
that, that might hurt him. Gosh, I had no idea babies were so fast!
You know what? The other day I was at a friends house and I ended up
leaving early and not getting to visit very long because her house
wasn't baby proofed and the baby was into Everything and I just couldn't
keep up!"
Then, when you do arrive, start redecorating. Bring
adjustable gates with you and block off hallways or stairs, or trap Baby
in one room with you. If necessary for you in-laws, bring the swinging
style gates that they can open and walk through. Bring a hand full of
outlet covers, they are cheap, and stick them in the outlets as you see
them or as your son discovers them. Leave them there when you leave. If
there are cabinets he likes, bring some kitchen cabinet locks that go
around the door handles. When you have a safe area staked out for him,
walk around yourself and pick up anything you KNOW is going to get
manhandled by the baby. Flower vases, ceramic birds, and remote
controls, whatever and move them to higher shelves or to another room.
If your MIL is uncomfortable with you moving things, or asks you to
stop, leave them there but FREAK OUT every time he touches one. I don't
mean just lean over and take it away, I mean Yelp like someone poked
you with a stick, jump up in a flurry of waving arms, gently take the
item from the baby (don't yell at the baby or make him think he's doing
anything wrong if he's not!) and run with wide eyes to your MIL, hand
the item to her and proclaim horrifically "This almost got BROKEN!!"
She'll probably start picking up before your visits just so you won't
act like such a nutcase anymore!
If she continues to leave breakables
around you can do one of two things, let him go wild and break anything
he can get his hands on, being careful that he doesn't hurt himself and
she doesn't scold him for what is really her own error, or you can
remove him from a few things and then just say "I'm sorry, but he's
getting into everything and I can't even sit down. We're going to need
to go now because he's only going to get more frustrated and frustrating
or something's going to get broken." Then pack up and go home. If
it's important to your MIL that you come and have fun and stay for a
while, she will start being more of a partner in caring for your son's
safety and less of a liability. Certainly, as Baby gets older it's
important to teach him that the rules are different in Grandma's house
and some things aren't for touching. Kids do understand that and will
act accordingly, but they have to be old enough to grasp the concept of
personal safety and being gentle first and you're not there yet!
No comments:
Post a Comment